


Keep My Eyes Fixed on the Sun

by semnai



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: 2x13 spoilers, Fix It Fic, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, flustered frederick
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-26
Updated: 2015-10-24
Packaged: 2018-01-26 13:32:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1690115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/semnai/pseuds/semnai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Afterwards, Frederick liked to think that the second he heard of Will’s presence in the ICU, he immediately left his own hospital room to sit at his bedside.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Through Darkness

Afterwards, Frederick liked to think that the second he heard of Will’s presence in the ICU, he immediately left his own hospital room to sit at his bedside. In actuality, he sat frozen in his wheelchair, gripping the metal rungs around the wheels tightly as his mind raced with dread, apprehension, shame, a touch of fear, and the vestiges of betrayal. He had felt a lot of things when he woke up in the hospital bed, the least of which was the throbbing pain in his skull that still only could be quelled by strong medication, and the thought of Will once again brought them to the surface. He’d be lying to himself if he said he didn’t understand why Will had gave him up to the FBI, to Jack, to be shot in the head by Mariam Lass. From everything he learned about what had happened after, it had been necessary. To catch Hannibal Lecter, sacrifices had to be made, but even so, he resented being included among those sacrifices. He had never been a team player, and even in the face of catching someone like Hannibal, he still valued his life more.

Taking a deep breath, he pushed all the emotions clouding his mind to the back and finally resolved to see Will Graham. The verdict though was still out for forgiveness.

The ICU was only a floor below, and after a quick elevator ride, Frederick found himself sitting in front of Will’s hospital bed. For one horrifying brief second as he entered the room, he saw himself laying on that bed, and he froze, his heart racing, absolute fear and panic creeping up in his chest, bile stinging the back of his throat. Breathing deeply once again, he blinked and the face of Will appeared once again on the body before him. Wheeling over, hesitantly he reached out to Will’s hand laying on the bed next to his side and grasped it with his. Even deeply sedated, Will looked unsettled and in pain. From what Frederick had heard he had gone through, it wasn’t surprising. His eyes locked on the white bandage across his abdomen, pity and possibly guilt burning through him like red hot dripping metal.

Tearing his eyes away, he settled for staring at Will’s face and his chest slowly rising and falling. It was soothing somehow, and Frederick let the calm envelop him. Only a small part of his mind questioned his actions and how Will, when he woke up, would feel about seeing a man he disliked so strongly waiting at his bedside.

Still clutching Will’s hand, Frederick leaned down so that his forehead rested against the bed and closed his eyes, focusing on the humming monitors and the soft sounds of Will breathing. Next thing he knew, he felt a hand on his shoulder. Frederick yelped and let go of Will’s hand as he tried to spin around, nearly falling out of the wheelchair.  A nurse stood behind him, arms outstretched as if she was going to catch him.

“Time for bed Mr. Chilton.”

“Doctor,” Frederick muttered to himself as he took deep breaths in an attempt to calm down. Seemed to be all he was doing lately. He looked back to Will who still was asleep before he slowly turned his wheelchair and left the room.

Over the next several days, Frederick traveled downstairs when he could. He knew he was nearly healed from his head injury, as he liked to call it, and was more than ready to be released soon, but he was still a mess emotionally. Nightmares and daily flashbacks plagued his mind. Visiting Will, especially an unconscious, unjudging Will, felt like company and took his mind off the horrors he had witnessed. The idea of being in another’s presence who had been as affected by the whole situation as him, or more so, was comforting for Frederick. In this whole crazy world, only a few people actually understood what he had been through, what they were against, and Will was one of them. A particularly empathetic one of them.

Finally, the doctors had determined him fit enough to leave the hospital, to his complete relief and horror. As much as he had grown to hate hospitals, they had also surprisingly become a place of refuge for him after the Hannibal incident. Going home felt out of the question and here at least he felt some form of safety, knowing Dr. Lecter was not going to jump out of the shadows and finish him for good. And of course, the voice in the back of his head supplied, Will was one floor above.

Frederick shook his head as he pulled on his coat. A spark of contentment developed when he realized it was his first day in his own clothes in months. He looked down at himself and back up to the mirror above the sink. After all this time, after the incident, fleeing to Will’s, being detained by the FBI and then shot, he barely recognized himself. Excluding the obvious, his left cheek covered in faint red scars blooming out of the entry point of the bullet, his face looked different to him. His eyes were ringed with lines, a testament of the sleepless nights he had spent in pain and in fear. Whether he liked it or not, this ordeal had changed him, and he wasn’t even sure he wanted to go back to his previous job at the hospital. The very thought of the criminals there, the long corridors with flickering lights, and the haunting footsteps down hallways he heard in his dreams every night caused his heartbeat to drum faster.

“Excuse me, Dr. Chilton?”

Frederick jumped, this time actually being able to spin around, with one of his arms clutching the sink to steady himself.

“Will Graham has woken up,” the nurse said, with a knowing smile.

“Oh,” Frederick stammered, nodding. “Thanks, I’ll just…” Flustered, his mind racing with anxiety and unsure of what to say, he gestured randomly.

“I told him you would be right down. I have the wheelchair ready.”

Frederick’s eyes widened, panic gathering in his gut. He hadn’t thought about what he would do when Will actually did wake up, how he would… if he would approach him. He was a trained psychiatrist, but what Will had gone through was not something even he thought he could help with. That Will would even want his help was laughable. That Will would even want… anything like the companionship he craved was outright ridiculous.  

Frederick limped out of the bathroom, and grabbed his cane laying against the bed.

“Uh-uh,” the nurse scolded. “While you’re still in the hospital, wheelchair.” Frederick nodded, but tightened his grip on the cane. Settling on the wheelchair, he couldn’t bring himself to move. The man had left the room, but Frederick stared at the door in front of him, unable to stop thinking of all the different ways this could go. Last time he had come to Will for help, he had called the FBI on him. Breathing deeply, he rested his cane across his lap like a security blanket, and began wheeling out of his room.

Just outside Will’s door, Frederick stopped. He was tempted to peer into the room to see what Will was like before making his presence known, but decided it would be a bad idea.

“Screw it,” he muttered to himself, and entered the room. After standing up from the wheelchair, and using his cane to steady himself, he finally met Will’s eyes.

Will’s face was a mask as he looked at Frederick. They had apparently removed the bandage, and his left hand rested on the sutures on his abdomen. His right hand lay at his side, clenched into a fist. His eyes were rimmed with red, and he looked like he had aged a hundred years since he had last seen him.

Frederick opened and closed his mouth several times before clearing his throat. “Hello, Will.”

Will nodded. “Frederick. Great seeing you here,” he said hoarsely, cracking a broken, unamused smile.

Frederick’s heart dropped to his gut, but he tried to prevent the pity from showing on his face.

When he didn’t say anything in reply, Will looked back down at his abdomen, fingers tracing the black thread of the sutures.

Frederick walked forward and grabbed a chair next to the bed and pulled it closer to Will before sitting down. Will glanced at Frederick, his eyes widening in surprise.

 “Listen, Will, I know we’ve had our differences, but I’m sorry, I’m immensely sorry for what happened to you, for what _he_ did.” Will flinched ever so slightly.

He leaned his cane against the chair, and before he could give it any thought, pulled up the hem of his shirt, to bare his own scars.

Will’s eyes dropped to his stomach, his expression unreadable.

“I know I can’t understand everything you went through but…” Frederick faltered, his mind finally catching up to his actions and uncertainty began to cloud his thoughts. “But…”

Will’s expression softened. “Thanks, Frederick.”

Frederick gave him a small hopeful smile. “You’re welcome. I… I mean it.”

Frederick lowered his shirt, but couldn’t help tracing his scar through it as he gazed at Will.

“You being released?” Will asked after another short silence. 

Frederick nodded, and some of his apprehension must have shown on his face.

“You’re not going home, are you?” Will guessed.

“No, I think I’m going to be avoiding it for the foreseeable future. I have a room booked at a hotel which I think I will prefer much more.”

Will winced suddenly, and Frederick started in alarm.

“Are you okay? Should I get a nurse…?”

Will shook his head. “I’m, I’m okay. Just not used to this I think.”

Frederick watched worryingly, but nodded.

“It’s a bit to get used to,” he agreed.

“Is it possible…” Will started hesitantly, his brow creased with concern.

“What?”

Will looked at Frederick apologetically. “Is it possible you could check on my dogs at Wolf Trap? I’ve been told it’s been 3 days since…” Will stopped, frozen, before barreling on. “Since everything happened, and I don’t know if anyone has been by.”

Frederick smiled. “That I can do. What do they need?”

“Food. It will be in the kitchen closet. To be taken outside.”

“I’ll do my best.”

“Thanks, Frederick.” Will reached out and squeezed his hand, smiling back at him.

And for one brief second, Frederick’s mind was free of the thoughts that had been plaguing him and it was bliss.


	2. Into the Light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I'm so so so so sorry guys about how late this is. Life caught up with me and I just had no time to write and was too stressed out about other stuff. But YEAH new chapter yay! If anyone still wants to read this. If you do, thank you! :)

As Frederick pulled up to Will’s house, a wave of déjà vu swept over him. He saw himself, what felt like ages ago, stepping out of his car, clothes seeped in drying dark red blood, drowning in desperation.

Now, he was further scarred, but a survivor. He had emerged from the darkness Hannibal had surrounded everyone around him relatively unscathed. He was alive a least, which was more than could be said about a lot of people who met Hannibal Lecter.

Frederick approached the house, pulling a key Will had given him from his jacket pocket.

It felt amazing to be free from the hospital, to be free of the astringent smells and the claustrophobic feeling of death all around him.

The second he opened the door, the dogs bounded past him and out into the lawn. One, a small short-haired brown dog with black smudges, ran around him in a circle before jumping up to place its two front paws against Frederick’s leg. Frederick looked down helplessly for a second before hesitantly reaching to place his hand on the dog’s head.

“Hello, there,” he said softly. The dog looked almost questioningly up at him, before jumping down and joining the others. Frederick walked with them across the fields around Will’s house, slightly concerned about how to call the pack all back inside when they were done.

He could see the appeal for Will, living out here alone. It was serene and calming, like entering an alternative zen state of mind where the busy, ugly world lay forgotten in the back of his mind.

After about an hour, Frederick started walking back to the house, and amazingly, thankfully, the dogs followed. Will had trained them well. He entered the house and pulled out the dog food from the kitchen closet, just where Will had said it would be. The dogs swarmed around him, their sides brushing up against his legs in their eagerness for a meal. Will had mentioned he had left extra food for the dogs before he had left his house for the last time, unsure if he was going to return, so Frederick knew the pack hadn’t been starved, but it still had been at least a good day since they had been fed. There had been no Alana to come check on them with Will incapacitated. The dogs eagerly ate the food, and Frederick stood back and watched them devour it for several minutes before he began to notice the ache in his legs. Other than physical therapy, he had been confined to a hospital bed and wheelchair for weeks. He wasn’t sure the last time he had walked as much as he had that afternoon.

Resigning himself to the exhaustion that was creeping in on him, he gave in and sat down on one of Will’s couches, lifting his legs so that he could lay down. He stared at the cracked white ceiling for a moment before he heard the jingling of a collar. One of the dogs approached him, tail wagging. Frederick gingerly reached out to pet him, gently running his hand through the fur on its neck, before the dog pushed its head against his hand so that his fingers were behind its ear. Frederick smiled, happy to oblige, scratching the dog.

Another dog approached him, jumping on the couch and turning in a circle several times before laying between his legs, its head resting on his knee.

Soon, the pack had gathered around him laying down on cushions on the ground or just next to the couch. The sun was setting, but Frederick really didn’t feel like moving. With Hannibal gone, and now that he was in the isolation of Wolf Trap, this felt like a safe haven once again, a place where nothing could hurt him, free from the fear that had been plaguing his mind.

Frederick woke up late the next morning to the sound of scratching. Startled, he rapidly sat up and jumped off the couch, defensively looking around for what the sound could be. His eyes fell on a dog at the front door, looking up at him.

Frederick laughed at his jumpiness, rubbing a hand on the back of his neck before ruffling his hair. He felt dirty and disheveled, and vowed after he took the dogs out once again and fed them, he would finally get to that hotel.

After another hour-long walk and feeding, Frederick regretfully locked the door of Will’s house and left for the hotel. He had picked a nice one, and the bed would be much nicer than Will’s ratty old couch, but as he entered his room, he felt uncomfortable. Setting down his suitcase, Frederick made a beeline for the shower. Once clean, he got dressed and sat on the bed. Closing his eyes, he could hear the sounds of city traffic, the muted noise of the tv in the next room, the sounds of a someone walking down the hotel hallway. He scrunched his eyes and sighed. This was nothing like what he imagined his release would be like. Alone in a hotel room, every sound of life around him grating his nerves. He missed the silence of Wolf Trap. The room here felt just as claustrophobic as the hospital.

With a groan, he got up and grabbed his wallet and keys. He was going back to the hospital.

Will was awake again when he entered his room. He was finally eating, with a tray of peas, mashed potatoes, some mystery meat, and a pudding cup in front of him. Though he didn’t smile, his eyes seemed to light up as Frederick walked in, or so it appeared.

“Back again, so soon? Bet you missed the food.” Will sighed, shaking his head at the pudding cup in his hand. “I’m pretty sure the food at your hospital was better than this disgusting crap they’re calling a meal.”

Frederick walked forward and sat down on the chair next to Will’s bed. He half smiled, feeling slightly, ridiculously embarrassed. “I’m glad to hear it,” he said evasively.

There was a brief, awkward silence as Will finished eating, before he set down a spoon and looked back over to Frederick. “My dogs?”

Frederick sat up, eager to engage in a topic of conversation that had nothing to do with the time the man he came to visit as a friend was actually a wrongfully accused prisoner in his own psychiatric prison.

“They’re doing great, obviously happy to be outside and to be fed,” he answered with an easy smile, meeting Will’s eyes.

“Thank you, Frederick. I appreciate you doing that.”

Frederick shook his head. “No problem, Will. It was great to be outside, and—and to see your dogs.”

Will looked wistfully outs towards the window for a second, before turning his attention back to Frederick. “I would have never pegged you as a dog person.”

Frederick shrugged, but was unable to hide a smile. “I’ve warmed up to them.”

Will looked thoughtfully at him. “How’s the hotel?”

Frederick looked away from Will, to stare at the wall behind him. “Um—seems nice. Clean. Um. Nice shower?”

How much Will could guess from his answer, Frederick would never know. But Frederick speculated that he knew more than he was letting on, that Will knew he had slept better at Will’s house, surrounded by his dogs than any night in this hospital, or even before that at his own home. That he was dreading going back to that hotel that night to sit alone in the dark.

“How—how would you feel about being my dog sitter until I get out?” Will asked with a smirk, as if he knew exactly what was going through Frederick’s head.

Frederick’s eyes widened at this invitation. He nodded. “Sure, why not?” he said, feigning indifference. In actuality, he was more than eager to return to Wolf Trap; he just felt less than hesitant to let Will know how much he wanted it. Old habits die hard, and Frederick would never willingly show weakness.

Frederick fell into a rhythm, taking the dogs out in the early morning and then visiting Will at around noon, and then traveling to Wolf Trap in the afternoon to care for the dogs. Sometimes he made it back to the hotel to sleep uncomfortably on what should have been a godsend of a mattress; he cursed all the time he’d spent in hospitals, ruining his ability to sleep on an actual comfortable bed. More often than not however, he’d fall asleep, by accident of course, on Will’s couch surrounded by the dogs. His nights were better there, not that he didn’t still have nightmares. He was able to calm himself down faster though, letting his fingers run through the fur of the nearest dog. There was less background noise there, and he found the raw sound of nature soothing for the first time in his life. Better than the cacophony of the city, which only built up his anxiety. The house did reek of dog, and Frederick would be the first to admit it. However, what he would only admit to himself late in the night after a night terror as he hid his tear-streaked face in a pillow, is that the whole house smelled like Will. It provided some bizarre sort of feeling of home that he had been missing for years.

His days had improved too, with his visits with Will going surprisingly well. The first few days he had visited, there was still that tension between them. No matter who he was with, Frederick always struggled to shake the feeling of immense awkwardness that seemed to follow him everywhere. But something kept drawing him back and he began to think that Will appreciated his visits.

After being out of the hospital for two weeks, Frederick arrived in Will’s room around mid-day. He held up a plastic container, as he walked through the door. Will was propped up on the hospital bed, one hand unconsciously across his abdomen, while the other held a book. He looked up, immediately eyeing the meal Frederick was now setting on his bed.

“What’s this? Real food?”

“As real as it’s going to get,” Frederick said, plopping down on the chair next to Will’s bed.

Will opened the container cautiously, sniffing the contents.

“Don’t worry, I absolutely did not prepare it myself,” Frederick said, as he handed him a plastic fork.

Will smirked. “Thank goodness,” he said, grabbing the fork and tucked into the food with enthusiasm.

Frederick pulled out his own meal as Will ate his lunch, still, after all this time, amazed how he could just be around a person and enjoy their company without any expectations from either end. It was a wholly new thing for Frederick.

“So they say they may release me in a week,” Will said, after several minutes of companionable silence.

“Wow that soon?” Frederick asked, eyes wide. He had been in the hospital for over a month.

“Yeah, I guess it’s something to do with how…” Will sighed heavily, gesturing at his abdomen where he had been gutted by Hannibal. “How surgical this was. Just _happened_ to miss all the important organs.”

“Of course,” Frederick said sardonically, but his insides were twisting in knots. He had grown used to practically living in Will’s house, and now he would have to give it up once Will moved back in. Frederick was always loathe to give up comforts he was used to, and as small and ridiculous of a comfort Will’s house was. But Will wouldn’t need him to care for the dogs anymore after that, and he won’t have any other excuse to spend his nights on Will’s couch. Back to the desolate hotel bed it would be.

“Uh, that will be great, being back home,” Frederick said, looking anywhere but at Will.

Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Will smiling. “Anything is better than here. But what are you going to do?”

“Wha-what?” Frederick sputtered. How did Will know he had been mostly sleeping in his house?

“I mean, no more caring for my dogs taking up all your time. You going to go back to work?”

Frederick relaxed a little. Okay maybe he didn’t know. “I’m not sure about going back to work there. Maybe for now. But I also had another idea.”

Will raised his eyebrows. “Going to travel the world?”

He laughed, shaking his head. “No way, I’m going to stay in the United States where I know its… well, relatively safe. No, I was thinking more along the lines of writing a book.”

“Mmm,” Will said, looking unimpressed.

Frederick went bright red and got up to toss his empty container in the trash can for something to do.

“That might be a good break,” Will said, as Frederick sat back down still looking flustered.

“Uh, yeah, I thought so,” Frederick said.

“And when will you head back home?”

Frederick sighed, running his hands through his hair. “I think I’ve had enough with home for a while. Might buy or rent something far away from there. Opposite side of town or something at least.”

“Hmm,” was all Will replied, looking down at Frederick, clearly amused.

Frederick looked up at Will, attempting to figure out what was funny to him. He hated not getting someone’s joke. Especially if it had to do with him. Did he do something stupid?

“What, Will?” he finally asked, annoyed. “What is it?”

Will groaned, rolling his eyes. “Frederick, just stay at the house.”

Frederick looked incredulously at Will for a moment before just resting his head in his hands. “So you did know.”

“Obviously, but I don’t blame you at all. That hotel must be pretty… discomforting. Though I don’t see how my house is any better.”

Frederick pursed his lips, trying to decide how to best explain it.

“It’s just…” he started haltingly, “soothing?” Frederick laughed uncomfortably, rubbing the back of his neck. “No not soothing. Well, maybe a little. It’s just…”

“Like wading into the quiet of a stream?” Will suggested.

“Uh, yeah, maybe. I don’t really know what it is, all I know is that I can actually sleep while I’m there and don’t wake up, at least as much, from nightmares as I do at the hotel. Lord only knows how I’d be at home. No sleep at all probably.”

Will nodded, and finished up the rest of the food that Frederick had brought him. “It’s the least I could do, really. After you’ve been taking care of my dogs, and visiting me these past few weeks. And hey, with those nightmares, we’ve both been there.”

Frederick sighed, relieved, a bright warm bubble in his chest at the positive mention of his visits. “Thank you, Will,” he said. “You can kick me out whenever you need to.”

“Let’s take it one day at a time,” Will said, faintly smiling.

Frederick cautiously placed his hand on Will’s bedside, looking anywhere but at Will. He seemed to be doing a lot of that today. He couldn’t, however, hide a smile when Will’s warm hand curled around his.

For a few more weeks at least, he had a home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I originally planned this out to be a two chapter thing, but when it came down to writing this second chapter, there's still scenes I want to add that didn't fit into it. So a third chapter may happen, and hopefully it won't be as long of a wait. And don't worry, this additional chapter will be more shippy... with kissing and cuddles! 
> 
> Thanks again for reading though!! Really, really appreciate it.


End file.
